It has been way too long since I last posted something so I figured that it was about time. I am now home from my sophomore year at Brigham Young University! It was a great year! I'm almost done with my GEs and my Minor! Unfortunately that means I still need to do my major....but that is all beside the point! My roommates were awesome and I had an amazing ward! I cannot wait to go back! I will pot on this more later so for now I will get to the point of this post...
This last year I have noticed that I tend to rush from one thing to the next without taking time to enjoy what I am doing at the moment. I often found myself sitting in class counting down the minutes until it was done so that I could go to my next class because that meant I was almost done with classes for the day and I could go to work. (I am convinced that besides my inability to be content with where I am, the joy that I got from being at work and getting things done is unnatural.) Anyways, I would then count down the minutes until I got to go home! After I got home I couldn't wait for the next thing to happen! I was just always looking forward to the next thing that I never really took the time to enjoy where I was.
This small scale example is true on the larger scale as well. I have always been so focused on getting to the next stage of life, expecting everything to be suddenly perfect, that I never appreciate the stage that I am in. Like right now, I am single! Instead of focusing on the fact that I am unable to get a date I should enjoy the freedom that I have and take this opportunity to grow. I need to focus on what I have instead of what I lack. So this summer I am going to do whatever I want to do (probably mostly working and spending time with my family, but still it will be what I want to do). I am going to be content with where I am at in life and just enjoy this time for what it is! I am going to stop and smell the roses because at some point they might be gone and what a waste it would be if I did not enjoy them when I had the chance. I know that I will be given opportunities when I am ready for them and that it will all happen sooner than I realize.
I feel like this has been a little bit of a soap box but it is my blog...and I did title it Word Vomit....so I suppose that it is fitting. It is what it is.
Until later,
Content
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My whole world was changed at 7 years old
It has been ages since I have posted anything! And since I am avoiding studying for a test I have to take today, this seems like the perfect time! I will keep it short though.
So once upon a time a little girl was sitting in her 2nd Grade class room doing her assignment. Out of habit she began humming a happy little tune. Suddenly the teacher asked who was making noise, looking around the little girl was puzzled as to who would have the audacity to disrupt the class. Unable to find the perpetrator the class when back to work. Once again the little girl began humming. Finally the teacher realized who it was, and asked the little girl if she was humming. Completely unaware that humming was something that was shared with the world the little girl was horror struck! Who would have thought that something so personal as humming would be shared with all in ear shot? I certainly would not have thought so!
As you might have guess that little girl was indeed me, and yes it was devastating to find that even something so quiet as humming was automatically exposed to the world. I find it upsetting that even to this day I will not hum in public, not sure exactly why. As I was walking into the library today to "study" I heard a kid humming and was amazed. Sure, it is simple, I mean who can't hum, wait that's a dumb comment...everyone can hum, not everyone should. Still my world was changed when I came to the realization that humming was not a private matter. I will never be able to hum with the joy that I did before this realization.
Don't worry I still will write about my trip to Texas, I just need more time to set aside.
Until later,
Unable to Hum
So once upon a time a little girl was sitting in her 2nd Grade class room doing her assignment. Out of habit she began humming a happy little tune. Suddenly the teacher asked who was making noise, looking around the little girl was puzzled as to who would have the audacity to disrupt the class. Unable to find the perpetrator the class when back to work. Once again the little girl began humming. Finally the teacher realized who it was, and asked the little girl if she was humming. Completely unaware that humming was something that was shared with the world the little girl was horror struck! Who would have thought that something so personal as humming would be shared with all in ear shot? I certainly would not have thought so!
As you might have guess that little girl was indeed me, and yes it was devastating to find that even something so quiet as humming was automatically exposed to the world. I find it upsetting that even to this day I will not hum in public, not sure exactly why. As I was walking into the library today to "study" I heard a kid humming and was amazed. Sure, it is simple, I mean who can't hum, wait that's a dumb comment...everyone can hum, not everyone should. Still my world was changed when I came to the realization that humming was not a private matter. I will never be able to hum with the joy that I did before this realization.
Don't worry I still will write about my trip to Texas, I just need more time to set aside.
Until later,
Unable to Hum
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Journey of a Lifetime
One month ago today, I celebrated my 19th birthday. I'm not sure if you know this but that is almost two decades, which means that I am one year away from removing all the negative connotation that is associated with being a teenager. Wowza! I am getting old! I already suffer from identity and frequent mid-life crisis! But this is all beside the point, the point is that I had a wonderful birthday! Woke up in the morning, went to group power, came home, got ready, went to the zoo with my nephews, sister and dad, came home had the best surprise from my mother, went to institute, came home, had cake, and went to bed! I wanted to write this blog because I didn't want to forget what my birthday gift was. Now to unveil what the surprise was...
When I got home from the zoo with my day, I walked into my room and found a little yellow stickie note that said,"1. The gift of life wasn't mine to give-but mine to receive- Heavenly Father allowed us to have your sweet spirit in our family- If not us- you would have blessed the life of others, to our great loss! For #2 look in the bag we use when we take the bike."
So I looked in the pink bag from old navy that my mom and I use for bike rides and found..."#2. Frugal and thrifty you inspire us all with your dedication and determination to carry your own load and easy the burdens of others! For clue 3 look in the book that's read each night- taking turns together before we turn out the light."
Following the clue, I looked in the scriptures and found, "#3 A scholar and more, you lead the way- reminding us its worth it, if we get lost in the fray! #4 this wonder thing helped you find your pitch!"
Looking in the piano, I discovered, "#4 Singing is key to who you are -even if you choose a different path- Nourish the seed it will make memories that last and last! #5 My tummy's full of coins- but even that doesn't stop me from moving from spot to spot"
This one took more thought to find, but after a few minutes I realized where I needed to look, the piggy bank that Ashtyn loves to play with! So upstairs I ran, checking that very location, where I uncovered "#5 Saving is key, but not alone-giving and spending, balance the zone- making a happier person to be. #6 Look where you spend time, make your hair beautifully shine!"
Another easy one lead me straight to the bathroom, where in the draw with my straightener was "#6 The outside matters but to a few! And most don't count- which leaves just you! You are beautiful inside and out! #7 For me think peddling- racing fast little legs are amazing, just ask!"
Downstairs in the tricycle that my nephews ride was "#7 Nurturing- insightful- caring too- little children and development are what you do! #8 Some store with trees- on shelves or on racks many of yours hand patiently in a canvas pouch"
Stumped! I couldn't figure it out! I asked my dad and my brother, nothing, we couldn't find the next clue. Finally after much thought, and a few extra hints, I found it! #8 was hidden in my closet in one of the pouches that my shoes hang in. And it said "#8 The collection was growing to impressive size, when maturity helped open your eyes- shoes serve a purpose and are fun none the less but vitally important they don't pass the test! #9 Cravings are a normal part of life- An easy fix is this and a few and sugary satisfaction just for you"
I looked in all of the places we normally hide our treats, but didn't find anything, suddenly I knew where to look. In the cereal cabinet, on the top of the oatmeal (great for no-bake cookies) was "#9 Resourceful and competent- a value shopper and more you will bless you husband with dinners of good food galore!#10 Think quad's and speed to find the next clue- Dust may coat me but I gave my due"
The Skier's Edge is right were I found the next little note, which said "#10 Your glory days need not be over- The skill remains and will serve you well at some further time Memories were made and character developed the time was well sent and repay when shared with another. #11 Pink and fluffy you will find #11 just behind"
I figured that it would be best to check the place where the most pink was in the house, so too my room I went. And right behind my pillow I found "#11 We've travelled together you and me Comfort and safety are what I bring- Reminders of home an security too- Intangible memories through tangible means- "A pillow" some say- but to others "a dream"- #12 Another would complain are my jeans washed Too quickly said you- so here dirt clothes you stash"
In my hamper I found "#12 Life's lesson's are long and the tests may be hard- You will come out on top because you regard values eternal and true to the core! For #13 Look on the back of your door"
Plain and simple, I looked and I found "#13 An open book some may say- intelligent smart- I say most important is your open heart! #14 Excel you do and excel you kept look here for 14 but not too deep"
Inside my briefcase I found "#14 The KKK has struck again- and many a life they've brightened- Remember how to lift another and you too will rise the better (Great memories shared) #15 can be found where pictures hang together"
Looking behind all the pictures hanging throughout the house, after some searching I found #15 on the magnet board in the entry way, it read "#15 A writer I have dreams to be but maybe not as planned It may be you through this achieved the writer you not me! #16When almost done what crazy idea was this #16 lies in a pile, a mess- of junk with quick access!"
I looked upstairs in the box in my room that holds all of my random stuff, no luck. Then I tried the drawer in the kitchen table and found "#16 Around the house you had to search for clues and memories-Each to make you realize your specialties! #17 Where you began the last project huge! Moldings, sills, and spiderwebs"
Searching the dining room high and low I found the next clue in the lamp the initiated the entire cleaning spree by housing a spider and breaking a light bulb (which made it easier to vacuum up the spider). The clue read "#17 Sentimental I'm not, but you could become- better than me and warmer you'll be- Don't let yourself close off the soft spot embrace the gentle side- the treasuring of things- a sentimental lot. #18 is one of my few objects of sentimentality"
Immediately I knew, the picture! No other description is necessary, if you know my mother well enough you know what I am talking about! The next note said "#18 I hope you haven't goofed up- but then why not you see that would only exemplify what makes me "me" goofy is good! Embrace your goofy side. Brighten the lives and days of others with laughter. #19 is the last clue, takes you to your treasures to keep - look in the bag which shows why I couldn't go to the zoo!"
So to my mothers temple bag I went! And I found a small wrapped package with this not on top, "#19 Your gift and the end of this inane exercise- the goal to make your birthday with remembering without wastefully money to dish! Happy Birthday!"
Inside of that package was the Complete Jane Austen Collection of BBC movies!!! I was so stoked!! I also got a white chocolate KitKat bar which happens to be my all time favorite candy bar!! The gifts are not the important part though, the important and best gift was the scavenger hunt through the house that lead me down memory lane and almost brought tears to my eyes. To me, the thought is much more important than the money spent. I love my mom! She is the best!! I couldn't do much of anything without all the support she gives me! She cares more than any one else and puts others above herself! I had a wonderful birthday with my family, which is all that I wanted!!
Until later,
happy with the simple things
When I got home from the zoo with my day, I walked into my room and found a little yellow stickie note that said,"1. The gift of life wasn't mine to give-but mine to receive- Heavenly Father allowed us to have your sweet spirit in our family- If not us- you would have blessed the life of others, to our great loss! For #2 look in the bag we use when we take the bike."
So I looked in the pink bag from old navy that my mom and I use for bike rides and found..."#2. Frugal and thrifty you inspire us all with your dedication and determination to carry your own load and easy the burdens of others! For clue 3 look in the book that's read each night- taking turns together before we turn out the light."
Following the clue, I looked in the scriptures and found, "#3 A scholar and more, you lead the way- reminding us its worth it, if we get lost in the fray! #4 this wonder thing helped you find your pitch!"
Looking in the piano, I discovered, "#4 Singing is key to who you are -even if you choose a different path- Nourish the seed it will make memories that last and last! #5 My tummy's full of coins- but even that doesn't stop me from moving from spot to spot"
This one took more thought to find, but after a few minutes I realized where I needed to look, the piggy bank that Ashtyn loves to play with! So upstairs I ran, checking that very location, where I uncovered "#5 Saving is key, but not alone-giving and spending, balance the zone- making a happier person to be. #6 Look where you spend time, make your hair beautifully shine!"
Another easy one lead me straight to the bathroom, where in the draw with my straightener was "#6 The outside matters but to a few! And most don't count- which leaves just you! You are beautiful inside and out! #7 For me think peddling- racing fast little legs are amazing, just ask!"
Downstairs in the tricycle that my nephews ride was "#7 Nurturing- insightful- caring too- little children and development are what you do! #8 Some store with trees- on shelves or on racks many of yours hand patiently in a canvas pouch"
Stumped! I couldn't figure it out! I asked my dad and my brother, nothing, we couldn't find the next clue. Finally after much thought, and a few extra hints, I found it! #8 was hidden in my closet in one of the pouches that my shoes hang in. And it said "#8 The collection was growing to impressive size, when maturity helped open your eyes- shoes serve a purpose and are fun none the less but vitally important they don't pass the test! #9 Cravings are a normal part of life- An easy fix is this and a few and sugary satisfaction just for you"
I looked in all of the places we normally hide our treats, but didn't find anything, suddenly I knew where to look. In the cereal cabinet, on the top of the oatmeal (great for no-bake cookies) was "#9 Resourceful and competent- a value shopper and more you will bless you husband with dinners of good food galore!#10 Think quad's and speed to find the next clue- Dust may coat me but I gave my due"
The Skier's Edge is right were I found the next little note, which said "#10 Your glory days need not be over- The skill remains and will serve you well at some further time Memories were made and character developed the time was well sent and repay when shared with another. #11 Pink and fluffy you will find #11 just behind"
I figured that it would be best to check the place where the most pink was in the house, so too my room I went. And right behind my pillow I found "#11 We've travelled together you and me Comfort and safety are what I bring- Reminders of home an security too- Intangible memories through tangible means- "A pillow" some say- but to others "a dream"- #12 Another would complain are my jeans washed Too quickly said you- so here dirt clothes you stash"
In my hamper I found "#12 Life's lesson's are long and the tests may be hard- You will come out on top because you regard values eternal and true to the core! For #13 Look on the back of your door"
Plain and simple, I looked and I found "#13 An open book some may say- intelligent smart- I say most important is your open heart! #14 Excel you do and excel you kept look here for 14 but not too deep"
Inside my briefcase I found "#14 The KKK has struck again- and many a life they've brightened- Remember how to lift another and you too will rise the better (Great memories shared) #15 can be found where pictures hang together"
Looking behind all the pictures hanging throughout the house, after some searching I found #15 on the magnet board in the entry way, it read "#15 A writer I have dreams to be but maybe not as planned It may be you through this achieved the writer you not me! #16When almost done what crazy idea was this #16 lies in a pile, a mess- of junk with quick access!"
I looked upstairs in the box in my room that holds all of my random stuff, no luck. Then I tried the drawer in the kitchen table and found "#16 Around the house you had to search for clues and memories-Each to make you realize your specialties! #17 Where you began the last project huge! Moldings, sills, and spiderwebs"
Searching the dining room high and low I found the next clue in the lamp the initiated the entire cleaning spree by housing a spider and breaking a light bulb (which made it easier to vacuum up the spider). The clue read "#17 Sentimental I'm not, but you could become- better than me and warmer you'll be- Don't let yourself close off the soft spot embrace the gentle side- the treasuring of things- a sentimental lot. #18 is one of my few objects of sentimentality"
Immediately I knew, the picture! No other description is necessary, if you know my mother well enough you know what I am talking about! The next note said "#18 I hope you haven't goofed up- but then why not you see that would only exemplify what makes me "me" goofy is good! Embrace your goofy side. Brighten the lives and days of others with laughter. #19 is the last clue, takes you to your treasures to keep - look in the bag which shows why I couldn't go to the zoo!"
So to my mothers temple bag I went! And I found a small wrapped package with this not on top, "#19 Your gift and the end of this inane exercise- the goal to make your birthday with remembering without wastefully money to dish! Happy Birthday!"
Inside of that package was the Complete Jane Austen Collection of BBC movies!!! I was so stoked!! I also got a white chocolate KitKat bar which happens to be my all time favorite candy bar!! The gifts are not the important part though, the important and best gift was the scavenger hunt through the house that lead me down memory lane and almost brought tears to my eyes. To me, the thought is much more important than the money spent. I love my mom! She is the best!! I couldn't do much of anything without all the support she gives me! She cares more than any one else and puts others above herself! I had a wonderful birthday with my family, which is all that I wanted!!
Until later,
happy with the simple things
Sunday, July 25, 2010
It only takes one wrong turn to completely change your path
Just over a month ago, my family had a family reunion of sorts in Utah. My oldest sister came to Utah for two weeks with her 5 daughters, which motivated us all to expand the trip! Luckily, we were not all stuck together for the entire trip, different people came and went, when everyone that could be there was there we had as many as 22 people! Including my parents, my oldest brother Brian, his wife Amanda and 3 daughters Emily, Paige, and Isabell, my oldest sister Hilary and her 5 daughters Alyssa, Kaylie, Lauryn, Emma, and Sydney, my sister Helen, her husband Matt, and 2 sons Jacob and Isaac, my sister Sarah, her husband Rick and 2 sons Jackson and Carson and daughter Natalie and me of course! It was a great trip full of ups and downs, but for the most part it was a positive reunion. We were sad that Seth and Ashtyn couldn't be there with us as well, but such is life! Due to the convenience of having the majority of the family in one place, Sarah decided to have Natalie's Baby Blessing while we were there. On the morning of the blessing my Mother and I had a little adventure...
First of all, the condo we were staying in was in Midway, UT which is 45 minutes away from Salt Lake. So my mother and I set out to Salt Lake early in the morning in effort to help Sarah get ready for the blessing and the lunch afterwards. While driving we made a wrong turn. Once we realized that we didn't recognize the place, we debated turning around or not. As we kept driving, unable to decide what to do, we saw a sign that said 5* miles to Park City. Figuring that it was in the same general direction that we intended to go we continued driving. About 3/4* of a mile later there was a sign for "Rough, Curvy Road Next 4*miles" and another one that said "End of State Maintenance". Usually signs like this exaggerate, figuring that we would be fine we soon dismissed any ideas of turning around and pressed forward. Then the pavement stopped, gravel started. Still we kept going. Then the gravel slowly transitioned into dirt. And the switchback turns started. Unable to find any place to turn around, we continued driving. Climbing higher and higher, getting more and more frightened with each corner as the trees shielding the fall disappeared and the chance of hitting an oncoming car increased due to our driving in their lane so as to stay away from the edge, we kept driving. We drove through groves of birch trees, and through the Wasatch State Park, we drove over Empire Pass, we drove up into the clouds, and were ecstatic to see any form of life such as a cottage, or a snowmobile, or even power lines. We had no cell phone coverage, and no one to rely on but ourselves, but we kept going. Finally, we started going down, the number of houses increased, as did the number of oncoming cars. We regained cell phone coverage and we were able to contact Sarah and tell her what was taking so long. We finally navigated our way back to the freeway and made it safely to Sarah's house. And despite the laughter, the fear, the insecurity of not knowing where we were, and all the other emotions we felt while on the drive we managed to find the positive in the experience.
I liken this experience to any other mistake we make in life. At first it is easy to turn around and repent, however, as you keep going it becomes less and less realistic to turn around. We feel like we are too far down the path to ever come back and repent. This is when the mistake forces us to do things that teach us something. As a result of our wrong turn and not turning around, we were forced to drive along an unsafe, long, road, making our trip longer and much less enjoyable than it could have been. We had to do things that we didn't want to just so that we could make it back to the right path, this is the same as when we make mistakes in our life. We sometimes have to confront people, or admit to things that we are ashamed about, but we have to do it in order to make our way back to the right path. Sometimes we even feel like we have lost contact with everyone around us, like we are alone, but let me reassure you that we never are. The savior will always help us, if we but call on him, even in the most difficult times in our life the Savior will be there for us. During our drive we said many prayers that we would be safe and find our way, and even though we couldn't call anyone we knew that we could call on the Lord. And even though we may feel like we are the only ones that have the problems that we have, there is always someone that has been through the same thing. If no one had ever travelled on the road we did, the road would not have been there. However, the most important thing about this whole experience is that with faith, and perseverance we made it safely back, even after our mistake.
Looking back it was a very good experience, even though it might have been hard at the time.
Until later,
Safe and sound
*Estimate, please do not quote me in any court of law, or any other venue in which accuracy is vital.
First of all, the condo we were staying in was in Midway, UT which is 45 minutes away from Salt Lake. So my mother and I set out to Salt Lake early in the morning in effort to help Sarah get ready for the blessing and the lunch afterwards. While driving we made a wrong turn. Once we realized that we didn't recognize the place, we debated turning around or not. As we kept driving, unable to decide what to do, we saw a sign that said 5* miles to Park City. Figuring that it was in the same general direction that we intended to go we continued driving. About 3/4* of a mile later there was a sign for "Rough, Curvy Road Next 4*miles" and another one that said "End of State Maintenance". Usually signs like this exaggerate, figuring that we would be fine we soon dismissed any ideas of turning around and pressed forward. Then the pavement stopped, gravel started. Still we kept going. Then the gravel slowly transitioned into dirt. And the switchback turns started. Unable to find any place to turn around, we continued driving. Climbing higher and higher, getting more and more frightened with each corner as the trees shielding the fall disappeared and the chance of hitting an oncoming car increased due to our driving in their lane so as to stay away from the edge, we kept driving. We drove through groves of birch trees, and through the Wasatch State Park, we drove over Empire Pass, we drove up into the clouds, and were ecstatic to see any form of life such as a cottage, or a snowmobile, or even power lines. We had no cell phone coverage, and no one to rely on but ourselves, but we kept going. Finally, we started going down, the number of houses increased, as did the number of oncoming cars. We regained cell phone coverage and we were able to contact Sarah and tell her what was taking so long. We finally navigated our way back to the freeway and made it safely to Sarah's house. And despite the laughter, the fear, the insecurity of not knowing where we were, and all the other emotions we felt while on the drive we managed to find the positive in the experience.
I liken this experience to any other mistake we make in life. At first it is easy to turn around and repent, however, as you keep going it becomes less and less realistic to turn around. We feel like we are too far down the path to ever come back and repent. This is when the mistake forces us to do things that teach us something. As a result of our wrong turn and not turning around, we were forced to drive along an unsafe, long, road, making our trip longer and much less enjoyable than it could have been. We had to do things that we didn't want to just so that we could make it back to the right path, this is the same as when we make mistakes in our life. We sometimes have to confront people, or admit to things that we are ashamed about, but we have to do it in order to make our way back to the right path. Sometimes we even feel like we have lost contact with everyone around us, like we are alone, but let me reassure you that we never are. The savior will always help us, if we but call on him, even in the most difficult times in our life the Savior will be there for us. During our drive we said many prayers that we would be safe and find our way, and even though we couldn't call anyone we knew that we could call on the Lord. And even though we may feel like we are the only ones that have the problems that we have, there is always someone that has been through the same thing. If no one had ever travelled on the road we did, the road would not have been there. However, the most important thing about this whole experience is that with faith, and perseverance we made it safely back, even after our mistake.
Looking back it was a very good experience, even though it might have been hard at the time.
Until later,
Safe and sound
*Estimate, please do not quote me in any court of law, or any other venue in which accuracy is vital.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Caught in the whirlwind called life...
It has been a very long time since I last posted anything, and a lot has happened. I have been on two trips, had a birthday, and had many forgotten moments that would have been worth mentioning. Unfortunately, some things many have been lost, but that is to be expected when there is so much happening in ones life. My typical Friday goes something like this...wake up 7am, workout 8am, work 9:30-12:30pm, either work 4-8 or babysit 5-11ish...of course the evening varies week to week, but it is essentially the same thing, earning money and losing sleep. Each other day of the week is equally busy, and filled with more or less the same thing. For now I desire to recall a few very fond memories that remind me of the important things in life.
Over the past year, my family has lost a few close friends. Each was unexpected and equally difficult for my father. Those of which I am writing about now were all men, in similar health and age to my father, and they were all friends of his. The memories of which I choose to recall are as follows:
1). Dave passed away leaving his wife, 3 sons, and daughter. Though I do not have a specific memory of Dave, I admire him for many reasons which I will now explain. Prior to becoming sick, Dave felt impressed to pay off all debts, and ensure that his family was taken care of. Following this prompting, he paid off his home, and a debt. While it is hard to know if he knew that he would not be here much longer, or if he was just trying to follow the council of the prophets, the important thing is that he followed the prompting of the spirit and blessed his family in countless ways. Dave was an engineer, he worked specifically on pacemakers. I recall Dave telling a story of a young man and the lose of his life. Because he works with pacemakers, one of the things that he must do is to monitor to pacemakers, to ensure that they are functioning correctly. When a pacemaker is failing, he is notified. Sometimes there are things that he can do, and other times there is nothing he can do. He told of a time in which he was notified and there was nothing he could do. He said that the most difficult thing was being forced to watch this young mans heart suffer and fail and have no way to help. He related the experience to how the savior feels when we chose to do things that harm us on an eternal perspective. I will forever admire Dave, and look forward to seeing him again someday.
2). Sean passed away alone in his house, and left behind a son. Sean worked for my parents. Shortly after Sean lost his job (as did we all) he and his wife divorced, leaving him alone. His death was the result of a malfunction of antidepressants. Shortly after hearing of the death of Sean, I was sitting in my sisters house trying to access the Internet. When all of a sudden I was connected to the Internet. At the time I could have sworn that was Sean's way of communicating with me that all was fine and that I should not fear. I now remember that I set up my computer to save the information necessary to connect to my sisters wireless, however, I cannot deny the feeling of peace that I felt when the event occurred.
3). Dallas passed away of unknown causes. Dallas was my father's friend from church. He was a stubborn veteran, addicted to morphine due to his time in the military. One of my last memories of Dallas was on the night before crimsonnaire initiations. He was over at my house, and he knew that I was worried about whether or not I would make it. I knew that initiations would happen that night, and that knowledge alone probably made it more stressful. I had to work that night, and while I was at work I got a phone call. To my surprise it was Dallas, he asked me for my cell phone number, confused, I gave it to him. I then went and got my phone and took it into the room I was working in (shh...don't tell my boss). A few minutes later, I received a text from an unknown number that said "Hey you know that thing you was worried about, don't". It was that moment that I knew I would make it! While it took away the element of surprise, it felt really good to know that Dallas cared enough about me to go through so much effort to keep me from worrying.
I know that talking about people that have died is not really uplifting, and you might be thinking I am now some Gothic, pain-loving weirdo...but I am not, sorry to disappoint you. I do have a reason. These three individuals all taught me important life lessons about what is important. From Brother Wiggins I gained a stronger testimony of the importance of following the promptings of the spirit. From Sean I became more sure that death is not a thing to fear because it will all be okay in the end. And finally from Dallas I have yet another example of how important it is to take the time to show others that we care about them. While caught in the whirlwind of life, it is easy to forget what really matters. It is only when we take the time to stop and think that we realize what we have been doing is insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
Until later,
Reevaluating what is important
Over the past year, my family has lost a few close friends. Each was unexpected and equally difficult for my father. Those of which I am writing about now were all men, in similar health and age to my father, and they were all friends of his. The memories of which I choose to recall are as follows:
1). Dave passed away leaving his wife, 3 sons, and daughter. Though I do not have a specific memory of Dave, I admire him for many reasons which I will now explain. Prior to becoming sick, Dave felt impressed to pay off all debts, and ensure that his family was taken care of. Following this prompting, he paid off his home, and a debt. While it is hard to know if he knew that he would not be here much longer, or if he was just trying to follow the council of the prophets, the important thing is that he followed the prompting of the spirit and blessed his family in countless ways. Dave was an engineer, he worked specifically on pacemakers. I recall Dave telling a story of a young man and the lose of his life. Because he works with pacemakers, one of the things that he must do is to monitor to pacemakers, to ensure that they are functioning correctly. When a pacemaker is failing, he is notified. Sometimes there are things that he can do, and other times there is nothing he can do. He told of a time in which he was notified and there was nothing he could do. He said that the most difficult thing was being forced to watch this young mans heart suffer and fail and have no way to help. He related the experience to how the savior feels when we chose to do things that harm us on an eternal perspective. I will forever admire Dave, and look forward to seeing him again someday.
2). Sean passed away alone in his house, and left behind a son. Sean worked for my parents. Shortly after Sean lost his job (as did we all) he and his wife divorced, leaving him alone. His death was the result of a malfunction of antidepressants. Shortly after hearing of the death of Sean, I was sitting in my sisters house trying to access the Internet. When all of a sudden I was connected to the Internet. At the time I could have sworn that was Sean's way of communicating with me that all was fine and that I should not fear. I now remember that I set up my computer to save the information necessary to connect to my sisters wireless, however, I cannot deny the feeling of peace that I felt when the event occurred.
3). Dallas passed away of unknown causes. Dallas was my father's friend from church. He was a stubborn veteran, addicted to morphine due to his time in the military. One of my last memories of Dallas was on the night before crimsonnaire initiations. He was over at my house, and he knew that I was worried about whether or not I would make it. I knew that initiations would happen that night, and that knowledge alone probably made it more stressful. I had to work that night, and while I was at work I got a phone call. To my surprise it was Dallas, he asked me for my cell phone number, confused, I gave it to him. I then went and got my phone and took it into the room I was working in (shh...don't tell my boss). A few minutes later, I received a text from an unknown number that said "Hey you know that thing you was worried about, don't". It was that moment that I knew I would make it! While it took away the element of surprise, it felt really good to know that Dallas cared enough about me to go through so much effort to keep me from worrying.
I know that talking about people that have died is not really uplifting, and you might be thinking I am now some Gothic, pain-loving weirdo...but I am not, sorry to disappoint you. I do have a reason. These three individuals all taught me important life lessons about what is important. From Brother Wiggins I gained a stronger testimony of the importance of following the promptings of the spirit. From Sean I became more sure that death is not a thing to fear because it will all be okay in the end. And finally from Dallas I have yet another example of how important it is to take the time to show others that we care about them. While caught in the whirlwind of life, it is easy to forget what really matters. It is only when we take the time to stop and think that we realize what we have been doing is insignificant in the larger scheme of things.
Until later,
Reevaluating what is important
Saturday, May 29, 2010
When I grow up I wanna be...
...I wish I knew...
About a month ago I finished my first year at Brigham Young University. It was amazing, I met the most amazing friends! And was blessed so many times. I can't even begin to give justice to all the blessings I received at school. I mean the car, my roommates, my jobs, understanding what I was studying, having enough time, getting to play Belle, etc. And no I was not blessed with the stereotypical BYU experience of being proposed to during my first semester...thank heavens (literally)! And unfortunately they do not hand out personalized liahonas that point us to the correct major and eternal companion, so now I am left to figure it all out on my own!
Here are the ideas I have come up with so far:
1. Music with emphasis in vocal performance- Singing is one of the most important things in my life, I don't know where I would be without it. However there is not a whole lot you can do with a degree in music except teach(and seeing as how most schools are cutting their music programs this would be difficult), or perform (and since I doubt I could ever make it big in the music industry this is not a very plausible idea). So getting this degree would be more just for the sake of getting the degree and mastering the art and talent I have been given.
2. School of Family Life with emphasis in human development- I love little kids! They are so amazing, full of love and light. Working with little kids has always been one of my greatest joys. My only hesitation is that if I get this degree at BYU I look like the typical girl that is really just looking for her RM and who just wants to be the perfect little wife and mother. Don't get me wrong, I want to get married, and have children but I hate it when people just try to meet everyone's expectations instead of figuring out who they really are. I know that I would get this degree with the right reasons but I don't want people to assume I am just some ditsy little girl.
3. Biology-Last semester I got a job as a Biology 100 TA for Dr. Riley Nelson. It was one of the biggest blessings of my college experience. I had never really considered this as option before I got the job, but now that I have it I realize how much I love it. I remember in high school spending hours studying biology (drawing out the charts, and rewriting all the definition, etc.). I love that I can look at things and question why they work the way they do, and I love that biology gives us a lot of these answers. I love how it all is so intricate and ornate. I would love to travel to beautiful places around the world and just learn about nature and the life there.
4. Business- This idea comes from always wanting to grow up and go to work in New York City in my pencil skirt and adorable blouse. I can just see myself working in a big building in the big city and loving every minute of of it. However, I am a little worried that it is not as glamorous as it all seems, and for all I know I could end up hating it.
5. Recreational Management- I would love to be an event planner and decorate weddings, dinners, or anything. This would probably be the most stressful but rewarding of all the ideas I have. I mean to watch everything you have planned come together (not perfectly) but to come together and to somehow work out is amazing. I know I could do something with this degree but I also know it would be difficult to get going with it.
6. Law- Ever since I watched Legally Blonde for the first time, I have wanted to be a lawyer. I find it fascinating how laws work, and I see so many flaws in our current system that I would love to be able to help correct. However, I don't know if I really want to be in school that long...
Six options and I still have no clue as to which one I should pursue. So for now I have been taking classes that are just general education (not even directing them towards any particular major). I am completely at a loss...
Until later,
Undecided
About a month ago I finished my first year at Brigham Young University. It was amazing, I met the most amazing friends! And was blessed so many times. I can't even begin to give justice to all the blessings I received at school. I mean the car, my roommates, my jobs, understanding what I was studying, having enough time, getting to play Belle, etc. And no I was not blessed with the stereotypical BYU experience of being proposed to during my first semester...thank heavens (literally)! And unfortunately they do not hand out personalized liahonas that point us to the correct major and eternal companion, so now I am left to figure it all out on my own!
Here are the ideas I have come up with so far:
1. Music with emphasis in vocal performance- Singing is one of the most important things in my life, I don't know where I would be without it. However there is not a whole lot you can do with a degree in music except teach(and seeing as how most schools are cutting their music programs this would be difficult), or perform (and since I doubt I could ever make it big in the music industry this is not a very plausible idea). So getting this degree would be more just for the sake of getting the degree and mastering the art and talent I have been given.
2. School of Family Life with emphasis in human development- I love little kids! They are so amazing, full of love and light. Working with little kids has always been one of my greatest joys. My only hesitation is that if I get this degree at BYU I look like the typical girl that is really just looking for her RM and who just wants to be the perfect little wife and mother. Don't get me wrong, I want to get married, and have children but I hate it when people just try to meet everyone's expectations instead of figuring out who they really are. I know that I would get this degree with the right reasons but I don't want people to assume I am just some ditsy little girl.
3. Biology-Last semester I got a job as a Biology 100 TA for Dr. Riley Nelson. It was one of the biggest blessings of my college experience. I had never really considered this as option before I got the job, but now that I have it I realize how much I love it. I remember in high school spending hours studying biology (drawing out the charts, and rewriting all the definition, etc.). I love that I can look at things and question why they work the way they do, and I love that biology gives us a lot of these answers. I love how it all is so intricate and ornate. I would love to travel to beautiful places around the world and just learn about nature and the life there.
4. Business- This idea comes from always wanting to grow up and go to work in New York City in my pencil skirt and adorable blouse. I can just see myself working in a big building in the big city and loving every minute of of it. However, I am a little worried that it is not as glamorous as it all seems, and for all I know I could end up hating it.
5. Recreational Management- I would love to be an event planner and decorate weddings, dinners, or anything. This would probably be the most stressful but rewarding of all the ideas I have. I mean to watch everything you have planned come together (not perfectly) but to come together and to somehow work out is amazing. I know I could do something with this degree but I also know it would be difficult to get going with it.
6. Law- Ever since I watched Legally Blonde for the first time, I have wanted to be a lawyer. I find it fascinating how laws work, and I see so many flaws in our current system that I would love to be able to help correct. However, I don't know if I really want to be in school that long...
Six options and I still have no clue as to which one I should pursue. So for now I have been taking classes that are just general education (not even directing them towards any particular major). I am completely at a loss...
Until later,
Undecided
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Invasion
I have this little fear of things being in my personal space (like my bedroom, or bathroom) that just don't belong there. I mean its one thing for inanimate objects to be out of place, but it is an entirely different story when it is living. Don't get my wrong, I love insects and spiders, but only when they are in a jar, outside (no where close to touching me), or dead. I don't go stomping around in their bedrooms (at least I try not to) so they have absolutely no right to invade mine!
My bedroom at home had always seemed to be a hot spot for spiders to go on such missions. I am not sure why, but this has always been the case. Just since I have been home from college, there have been two found in my room, and the only spiders I had in my room at school were because of my Nature Experience and were safely double bagged and dead.
Two nights ago occurred one of these battles...
I was lying in bed reading Pride and Prejudice when I glanced up and saw the invader. I threw the book to the side, remembering to save my place of course, and jumped out of bed. I knew that my dad was still awake so I thought I would pull a "daddy will you save my from the big nasty spider card". It worked, we pulled out our weapon of war (the Swiffer) and proceeded to the site of the battle. Swiffer in hand, my dad made the first strike, slamming the head of the Swiffer onto the ceiling, which was a mere causality because of our textured ceilings. So a second strike was made, this time in addition to the initial hit a sliding motion was added (in effort to move the spider to a more convenient killing location). However, all that happened was the spider fell from the ceiling and could not be located. My father insisted that it was dead, however, I could feel the 12 little beady eyes still watching me and waiting till the coast was clear. Upon deciding I could not give up the search, I got down on my hands and knees and looked everywhere under and around my nightstand. It was difficult to see under the nightstand in the dark, however after much searching, I spotted the enemy, he was hiding in the shadow by the leg of my nightstand. Taking the Swiffer, I struck a blow onto the carpet but the nasty little thing merely used the carpet padding to reduce the impact. He then moved to a much larger "safe zone" under the nightstand. I then found his new location, and prepared to strike again, when this strike was carried out, I added more pressure to compensate for the carpet. That's when I heard the Swiffer crack, and break....causing a serious advantage for the spider. However, reinforcement came when my father returned to check on the situation. It turns out we had to pull out the nightstand to find the spider and my father killed him with his bare hands. I then put the nightstand back, said some heartfelt prayers that I would be safe from spiders, and went to bed.
I swear that somewhere in my house is a spider military headquarters, and they keep sending in bigger and quicker men to attack my room. I can just hear them now, "Another man down, we are going to have to up our forces and try again, lets send in the big guns". You might think this is ridiculous, however, I am quite positive that I am right. And how do I know this? Well you see...yesterday I was taking a shower, blissfully unaware of any spider activity, when I turn off the water, reach for my towel, look up and see a freaking huge spider right above the towel rack. And I don't know about you but I think there is just something wrong about that, I mean the two places I go and close my eyes for extended periods of time are the two places that they decide are great to explore, NOT OK with me! I mean its just wrong! Morally, and ethically wrong.
I am now determined to clean every surface of my bedroom (walls, carpet, ceiling, closet, and dusting everything) just to be sure there is not a permanent base anywhere. I have also considered bug bombing the room, but that just smells and would probably give the spider eggs immunity to it and make them stronger and harder to kill (and we all know that would not be good thing). SO for now I will continue cleaning and destroying any intruders I come across.
Until later,
Invaded
My bedroom at home had always seemed to be a hot spot for spiders to go on such missions. I am not sure why, but this has always been the case. Just since I have been home from college, there have been two found in my room, and the only spiders I had in my room at school were because of my Nature Experience and were safely double bagged and dead.
Two nights ago occurred one of these battles...
I was lying in bed reading Pride and Prejudice when I glanced up and saw the invader. I threw the book to the side, remembering to save my place of course, and jumped out of bed. I knew that my dad was still awake so I thought I would pull a "daddy will you save my from the big nasty spider card". It worked, we pulled out our weapon of war (the Swiffer) and proceeded to the site of the battle. Swiffer in hand, my dad made the first strike, slamming the head of the Swiffer onto the ceiling, which was a mere causality because of our textured ceilings. So a second strike was made, this time in addition to the initial hit a sliding motion was added (in effort to move the spider to a more convenient killing location). However, all that happened was the spider fell from the ceiling and could not be located. My father insisted that it was dead, however, I could feel the 12 little beady eyes still watching me and waiting till the coast was clear. Upon deciding I could not give up the search, I got down on my hands and knees and looked everywhere under and around my nightstand. It was difficult to see under the nightstand in the dark, however after much searching, I spotted the enemy, he was hiding in the shadow by the leg of my nightstand. Taking the Swiffer, I struck a blow onto the carpet but the nasty little thing merely used the carpet padding to reduce the impact. He then moved to a much larger "safe zone" under the nightstand. I then found his new location, and prepared to strike again, when this strike was carried out, I added more pressure to compensate for the carpet. That's when I heard the Swiffer crack, and break....causing a serious advantage for the spider. However, reinforcement came when my father returned to check on the situation. It turns out we had to pull out the nightstand to find the spider and my father killed him with his bare hands. I then put the nightstand back, said some heartfelt prayers that I would be safe from spiders, and went to bed.
I swear that somewhere in my house is a spider military headquarters, and they keep sending in bigger and quicker men to attack my room. I can just hear them now, "Another man down, we are going to have to up our forces and try again, lets send in the big guns". You might think this is ridiculous, however, I am quite positive that I am right. And how do I know this? Well you see...yesterday I was taking a shower, blissfully unaware of any spider activity, when I turn off the water, reach for my towel, look up and see a freaking huge spider right above the towel rack. And I don't know about you but I think there is just something wrong about that, I mean the two places I go and close my eyes for extended periods of time are the two places that they decide are great to explore, NOT OK with me! I mean its just wrong! Morally, and ethically wrong.
I am now determined to clean every surface of my bedroom (walls, carpet, ceiling, closet, and dusting everything) just to be sure there is not a permanent base anywhere. I have also considered bug bombing the room, but that just smells and would probably give the spider eggs immunity to it and make them stronger and harder to kill (and we all know that would not be good thing). SO for now I will continue cleaning and destroying any intruders I come across.
Until later,
Invaded
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